Thank you for your input!
This essay is likely to harm your chances for admission to competitive law schools primarily because it is not succinct. As is, your essay is too wordy & repetitive while offering only superficial insights to your view of the world, what motivates you & your development. The superfluous & shallow nature of this writing makes it unfocused & unconvincing, in my opinion.
I agree. It is shallow. I might want to provide more insight into some of the topics I discuss, especially the topics involving my own experiences, and cut down on the topics that do not necessarily involve me personally. Thank you!
Too much here - this is what adcomms critique as “A resume in essay format.” Find 1-2 stories that encapsulate your character - I’m sure they’re in there. This topic area, on its own, has some promise - Best, Dani