I’m gonna assume this is one personal statement and you just happened to confusingly throw the " Proving difficult to get any input from my advisor…please be honest! Thanks so much! This is my 2-3 pager for SMU." in the middle of it.
You have some decent material to write a PS about, but this present form is awful. You sound like a religious zealot, and you also sound very naive about the legal system.
I left college after my freshman year on a search for truth
What?
Even as I was taught, counseled, and healed,
Healed by God? Uhhh you’re scaring me now.
Why did my mother, a social worker with three young children, a mother who actually wanted me, have to die? Why do people treat each other badly? Why is there so much bad in the world? One day, I simply realized- there is good, too.
Nice revelation bro.
I believe our American legal system is good. I believe it enables men and women to be a part of something miraculous
NO. I feel this would offend the adcomms, because they are sure to understand that there is NOTHING miraculous about the legal system. It is completely, exclusively, a creation of man and nothing else. Don’t bring your happy-happy-joy-joy religious dogma into this.
I have lived in tight quarters with individuals from every continent, and have spent significant time in the Palestinian quarter of Jerusalem, the ghettos of Cairo, the countryside of England, the mountain villages of Mexico, and several regions of the US.
THIS you could do something with. (though you might want not want to mention that you were proselytizing poor uneducated people that don’t know any better)
, I am to be a servant above all else, to the past, present, and future generations who have devoted their lives to protection of American ideals.
Thank for reading and responding! I didn’t mean healed religiously really, just growing up stuff. It is jargon-y, I’ll take it out. I also did not mean “miraculous” to be religious, I will change it to something else. I also was not proselytizing, but usually teaching english or doing service projects, so I will clarify the nature of the work.