Second draft...lets give it another whirl

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See below for edits

I don’t really have a ton to add or take away from this piece, but it starts off super interesting and then just…drops off. It’s not boring, but the rest of the PS isn’t drawing me in as much as your intro did.

I would also cut the “all expenses paid” part in the 2nd paragraph. It doesn’t add anything to your piece.

Thanks a lot, do you say cut the marxist ref because of relevance or political reasons?

You should cut it because it makes you sound pretentious.

Haha seems reasonable, much appreciated